It’s Twisted

I believe in you
But I don’t trust you.
Coz some shit shady to me
If we were made from you
We got our best sides from you
Then we also got our worst from you too
Which means I can’t trust you
Coz nobody ever talks about that.

What exactly is the point?
What is your fucking plan?
And why the fuck?

You let daddy almost die
So you could save him and be the bigger man
You took all our money
So you could give us change and we’d be grateful
You took away our house
So you could give us the safest bridge
And we’d say thank you
Then you gave us this life
Something we neither want nor need.

You say be grateful for life
But I didn’t fucking ask for it
I didn’t fucking ask for it
Nobody asked my opinion on whether I wanted to be born
Honestly the luckiest are the the sperm that didn’t reach the egg
You literally handpicked me, without my consent, and brought me to Earth
Then you let me suffer so that I’ll forever be in your debt.

It was your fucking choice to make us
Your fucking choice to bring us here
Your fucking choice to leave us here
Yet you expect constant gratitude
When you didn’t give us a choice.

And now you won’t let us call it quits
When we’re tired
When we’re broken
I didn’t fucking ask for this
He didn’t fucking ask for this
She didn’t fucking ask for this
We didn’t fucking ask for this

We weren’t given a choice
But we’re expected to be grateful
For a gift I didn’t want?
Give me the shit I need
And maybe it’d make more sense.

Somebody gimme a title.

It’s been a while I felt this way.
Made sure my attention was far away.
Stayed outta my head and focused on other things.
But somehow I’m still back here.

I don’t even know what I’m feeling.
I don’t know what causes this slump.
I don’t know how to be better.
Or if I’m already better.

In the wise words of NF
I’m afraid to leave this slump
Coz then what will I write?
Who will I be?
Without this. ear it’s all in my head. None of it is real. I’m just stuck in a box

Fear it’s all in my head. None of it is real.
I’m just stuck in a box
Of my own making.

Begging for someone to let me out
But I’m the one holding the keys
I do need help
Just a different kind.
Coz I fucked me up
And now I’m fucked.

Just Me Rambling #2

Y’know
I used to get things
Understood why things happened
I was trusting

Y’know
There was a time when I cried
But now, these things hang in my chest
Can’t breathe
Sometimes I’m tryna sleep
But I can’t breathe
And I’d be trying to eat
But I can’t breathe
Halfway through the day
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe

This isn’t a political statement
I ain’t talking about our fight
The black fight
That’s a topic for a later date
I’m talking about me
Something I rarely ever do
Except when I’m in the mood
And it’s between the paper and me
Paper
Yeah that’s where I live
The blood in my veins is ink
Yeah that’s what I said.

I can’t breathe
The tears get stuck in my chest
I can’t breathe
All the get stuck in my chest
I can’t breathe
Sometimes I’m not sure I want to
Maybe if I can’t breathe
I’ll finally be peaceful

Grieving Thoughts

Twinkle twinkle little star.🌟 
The cow jumps over the moon.🌝🐄
Mr. Sun, sun. Mr. Golden sun.🌞
Rain rain go away.🌧️

The stars, the moon, the sun and the rain.
All things we have no control over.
Things we don't get to decide. But we pretend we have a say in it.🗣️
Just like everyday life.
We pretend we control it but we don't.
We just have to make the most of the cards we've been given.🎲🎰

Man moves on Earth as though he laid the foundations.🧘‍♂️🧗‍♂️
But he didn't.
We actually have no idea why anything is.
But we make the most of it.
It's in our nature.
To play our cards till they run out.🎲🎰
To fight for breath with our last breath.😤
To keep going until we absolutely cannot.😤🏊‍♀️
Because that's all we can do.🧘‍♂️


I hope and pray to God.🙏
That before my cards run out.
I find that inner peace and joy and love.🧘‍♀️
I pray everyone does too. 👩‍❤️‍👩👩‍❤️‍👨

But honestly, it kinda hurts to be human.

Rant #1 – To Be An Introvert

OK. This is basically a rant piece. Something irked me today so I want to share it with you guys.

Basically, I’m an introvert. Been that way since I was born but the way I grew up didn’t really give me much space to express myself. I overcame a bunch of my introvert quirks by force before I even realized what they were. 2020 was a horrible year for me but it also helped me to find more about myself. I started getting into personality types although I was drawn more to introvert videos.

Watching those videos makes me go through my early years and understand why I acted or reacted certain ways in the past. Or why I did or said or didn’t do or say some stuff. And now I’m trying to make peace with how I am and find a way to move forward with it.

My mum and my younger brother are extreme extroverts. My dad is slightly lower on the extrovert scale as well as my older brother. I am the only introvert in my family and honestly it’s pretty exhausting.

So today, I was watching some videos about introversion and my cousins were beside me. We’ve known each other for years, since we were born literally. And then one of them actually told me that I should stop watching those videos or else I’ll remain this way.

I’m like bruhhhhh. I was born this way. It’s a part of who I am. I can’t change and honestly I don’t want to. I’m literally trying to make peace with it and here you are telling me that you don’t want me to be an introvert. Ummm, newsflash, it’s not your decision.

Introversion is not a disease. Please stop trying to cure us and start trying to understand us. Just because I don’t enjoy being surrounded by lots of people or being loud or going to parties and social events. Or because I sometimes need space to recharge and alone time to remain sane absolutely does not mean that I should be treated like shit.

Why don’t you guys tell extroverts to start talking less. Or to be more quiet. Why you gotta rip into us all the time??????? Being an introvert is awesome and amazing, the world isn’t accommodating of us yet we still survive and even thrive.

So f**k everyone who doesn’t understand us or even try to and instead want to change us. F**k everyone who wants to cure an introvert.

I’m sending love to every single introvert out there. We rock. F**k everyone who has a problem with it.

Thank you for reading.

How I fell.

I still remember the day we met.
The first time I saw you was across the hall.
You were swinging on your chair, staring into space.
And I thought, I wonder what he’s thinking about.

Then I met your best friend.
She was so nice and sweet, she still is.
We got talking, and then she introduced me to you.
You were funny, and sweet, weird and refreshing.
I thought you were so cute.

You say I rejected you the first time feelings came up.
Though the event still escapes my memory.
It was probably poor communication.
And five years down the line, it’s still the problem.

I’ve known you for a long time.
When we met, I didn’t even have boobs.
I was sitting beside you the day I got my first period.
Although you probably didn’t notice.

We had secret smiles.
And miles of secrets
Tales and stories between just us.

And till today,
I still don’t know if you were lying.
All this time
About how you feel.
It keeps me up at night.
Wondering if I was your fool.

It’s been five years we met.
You’ve kissed my cousin and half my friends.
Although I don’t have many of those.
But all while claiming you loved me.
I was waiting for our stars to align,
You was waiting for your next ride.

We used to have long talks
About everything and nothing.
Be in each other’s company for hours
And we wouldn’t notice the time.
I thought you was real
I thought you was it for me.

We talked about a future.
With both of us.
About leaving together and starting afresh.
I imagined it would happen.
That we’d be one of those couples that lasted all the way from teen years.
You was supposed to be my first and last.

Honestly, I don’t know who played whom?
Was I leading you on falsely?
Or were you?
It’s all a mess
And you haven’t replied my texts.

I thought I saw you.
The real you.
The one you claimed was there.
The one you said you were hiding from the world.
But maybe I just saw what I wanted.
Somebody broken and messed up like me.
Somebody with layers just like me.
I convinced myself that I was peeling off your layers.
But I was just peeling off mine.
Left myself vulnerable.
Made the inevitable hurt more.

But there was nobody behind those eyes.
And you are just like everyone else.

I can’t believe I fell.

I fell so hard.

I was falling so long.

I thought I had been caught in your arms.

But I’ve finally hit the ground.

And it hurts. Hurts so bad.

You distracted me with your eyes, tripped me with your feet. And I thought it was love.

But I was just falling. Not in love. There was no love. Just a mean trick. And lots of pain.

I Retract My Love Letter

I just had my heart broken by the person I wrote my love letter to. So this is me retracting it.

Honestly, I have to give it to you. You’re a brilliant actor,
That thing you did with your eyes?
Genius
For a second, I almost believed you.

I almost believed you loved me
And we could be something
That there was hope
That we were real

I take back everything I ever said
Every secret I ever told
Every heart I ever sent
Every tear I ever cried
Every hope I ever held
Every “I love you” that escaped my lips

I take back my letter
The one you don’t know I wrote
The one you never saw
And never read
Yeah that one
I take back everything I said in it

You were my first love
Supposed to be my first kiss
I’m glad I haven’t given that to you
And now I never will

You made me feel so special
Like I was your world
Made me feel on top of the world
Turns out I was just another conquest
Something to brag about
I’m glad I didn’t give you much to brag about
Because you look at everything that way
At least, everything without a d**k
That way that seems like you’re baring your soul
Turns out you were merely looking through mine.

I don’t have enough energy to hate you
So I wish you the best in life
I hope you find what you were looking for
In every girl’s DM
I’m sorry you didn’t find it in mine
I wish me better luck next time

Goodbye.

For good this time.

Leave Me Alone

It’s funny
How nobody notices the change
I’m cool with it
I kinda like it like that

Maybe I should take up theatre
Try my hand at the acting game
I seem to be doing so well at it
Without even trying

Ummm… Hello
I know we’re doing the whole
Ignore what *____* wants
But could you please leave

I wanna be alone
In silence
And darkness
You’re messing with my chakra
That’s what it’s called right?

Meh

Anyway the point is
I don’t want anyone around
Making any sounds
Make sense
It probably doesn’t
But I don’t really care
To explain myself
Or make you understand

Go home
Pretty sure you have a house
At this point, d’you even remember what it looks like

Need a pic?

Because you being here
Is stressing me out
I don’t have the time
The will
Or the energy
To help with your many problems

I have my own issues
That I’m trying to work through
The last thing I need
Is you and your negative energy

Please leave
And I mean all of you
Just go away
Don’t call or text or anything

How hard is it to understand
That I want to be alone

Finally.

Goodbye.

Definitely A Love Letter

I decided to write a love letter
To the one I love
Although you’re never going to read it
Or see it
Even if you do
You’ll never know it was me.

Our love would have been simple
If not for the stupid laws
That make it forbidden
And the nosy old hags
Who don’t respect secrets

Everything became harder
In the process of lying to people
To preserve our sacred thing
To keep it close to our chests
We started lying to each other
Made a mess of things

So now I’m in love
And you claim you’re in love
But you’re always with other girls
And I can’t call you out
Because it’s meant to stay a secret
So you’re not mine
And I’m not yours

It hurts
When you don’t reply my texts
Coz I know you’re with the others
And I can’t call you
Or they’ll find us out.

I love you
Hope you know that
I want to love you
Hope you know that
But they won’t let me
I’m sorry that
I let you believe we had a future
Because I’m leaving town
And I’m not planning on coming back.

If we’re meant to be
We’ll find each other
Our paths will cross
One way or another
If this is fate
It can never be too late

I can’t wait to meet you again. See how far we’d have gone. See how much we’d have changed and grown.

With love, *_________*

Hello

Hello everyone. My name is *bleep*, I live in *bleep*, I am 14-years-old and I live on paper.

I love writing poetry and maybe a few articles and short stories here and there. It’s how I express myself, cliche as that sounds. So I’m just going to be writing here, don’t be alarmed by whatever you read.

I write on a few other sites like “Commaful” and “Author’s Hub”. I used to write on Instagram but my account got shut down :,-) so here I am trying again.

Feel free to comment or send me prompts and topics to write on. I’m just going to end this here before it goes downhill. Goodbye.

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started